thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
