i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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