He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
