Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Randomize
