I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
