wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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