If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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