I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
