Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
