Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
