I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
