Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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