nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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