Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
even my farts smell like vagina
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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