remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
