Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
