it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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