so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
