theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
