I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
