I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
