Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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