Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Found the puke drawer
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
