i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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