at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
