How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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