Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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