I could have mohawked her pubes.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
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Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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