i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
