I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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