I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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