His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
