I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
