I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
