Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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