guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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