I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
