So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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