My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You were trust falling into bushes
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
