She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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