I think I am morally bankrupt
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
