You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
