I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
