Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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