People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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