Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
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Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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