Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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