New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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