Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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