hotel room ftw
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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