I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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