I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
