so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
