i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
