belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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