Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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