you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
