they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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