apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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