Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
