you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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