1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
im on a boat
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