Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
