you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major