why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The air was thick with penises
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.