I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.