So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage