capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.