How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.