I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
