Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
