dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She just used a chaser for red wine.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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