my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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