I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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