The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
