sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
