I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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