I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
