He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
These tits shall not be calmed
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
