Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
