Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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