One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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