I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
