I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
These tits shall not be calmed
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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