He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
