i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
